"Without me around to spice things up your life would be pointless. You've a lot to thank me for, [hero]."
"I'm getting bored. Why is it taking your friends so long to find us? Here, have your cell phone back and tell them where we are."
"Just remember, for a hero to win the day, you need someone to win the day from...."
"It's like Christmas, but with knives!"
[Hero: "Why are you doing this?"]
"Does it matter? If I had some tragic story explaining my terrible deeds, some childhood trauma that I could blame, would you see my actions as any less terrible? There is no need to concern yourself with the why behind what I do, only the what. Because no matter how thoroughly you understand the why, the what remains the same: I'm going to kill you.
"I'm not a Bond villain, Hero. I'm not going to leave you in a diabolically complex death machine of my own design and wait for you to die, or leave you to my laughably incompetent henchman while I leave the room and assume their success. I'm just going to point this gun at your face and pull the trigger."
(in response to "What's wrong with you?!?") "If you want specifics you'll have to ask my therapist, but rest assured that I'm getting treatment for it."
"You know, I became a villian because you became a hero. I knew I couldn't keep up with you, not physically, and you never even aknowledged my existance. I couldn't befriend you, I couldn't team up with you, I couldn't even follow you around like a pathetic, simpering dog. So I figured... If I couldn't walk along side you, then I could at least meet you from the other direction. So I became a villian. I taught myself to do terrible, terrible things, and whenever it got too difficult, I told myself it was you who drove me to do it. I can't remember when my love, my worship of you turned to hatred and disgust. I'm not even sure now if it really IS hatred and disgust, because even though I feel physically sick everytime I hear your name or have to look upon your face, I still desperately, hopelessly want you to notice me, to see the things I have done and know I did them all for you."
"When you killed him, that's not all you destroyed. You destroyed my livelihood. You destroyed my feelings of security. You destroyed the only person who understood me. You destroyed the only person in the world that I connected with. You destroyed the only person that I will ever love. But that's not all. You destroyed my sanity, my humanity. And I didn't have much of that to begin with."
"Whatever does not kill me had better run for its stupid life."
"I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?"
"When someone annoys you, it takes fourty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend your arm and whack them upside the head."
"Drive like you stole it!"
"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking."
"Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people."
"Reality continues to ruin my life."
"The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful"
"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion."
Civilian/etc: Stop! Stop! I've never hurt anyone! Have mercy!
V: I'm afraid I cannot comply with that request. Perhaps you have hurt no one yet, but you will. One day you will slip and someone will be hurt. Maybe it's just a bruise, maybe you exterminate a village, but some human will suffer because i was weak and did not end your life now. It is an unfortunate fate that you have been saddled with, and I do pity you for what I must now do. But it must be done. I will kill you, magic trash, and spare what humans may be forced to suffer you in the future.
"Just close your eyes and start counting to ten... I like to keep track of those who even make it to seven."
*Holding the dead body of an ally of the hero hero by the neck.*
"I broke her. Do you still want her back, or should I buy you a new one?"
*Villain, standing next to the dead body of the hero's ally.*
"Something tells me that wasn't part of your plan."
"Kill everyone except the women. They can't lament if they're dead."
"Its been so amusing seeing you struggle so hard against me. Thwarting so many plans and schemes. But the one that you could not stop was the only one that mattered. You've only gotten as far as you have because I wanted you to see first hand, the end of all you love and care about, before I burn the eyes from your head, leaving the imprint of your failures seared into your brain."
*Villian pushes a button or flips a switch.*
Hero: What did you just do? Tell me!
Villian: Uh-uh. Spoilers.
"Villainy is like asparagus. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it? Do you know what it's like to be evil? Have you ever relished in the thought of all the misery and destruction you've caused? Well, have you? ... No? Then you don't get to judge."
(To captured civilian/damsel in distress)
Villain:You're about to play an important part, you know. Whatever happens, your hero won't come in time to stop me from torturing you, which means that no matter how this plays out - whether he beats me or not - he has to live with the fact that you have suffered and possibly died because of his error. You might just be the catalyst that drives him into the dark. You can take pride in that thought.
Damsel: [Hero] would never do such a thing!
Villain: It won't be the first time that love has turned someone to evil.
How did I ever get stuck with such a predictable, unimaginative archnemesis? It almost takes the fun out of beating you. Almost.
*bang* "Tell me who sent you!" *silence* "Oh right, it's ask questions then shoot, not shoot then ask questions. Oh well, lets see what he has in his pockets."
"I will punch you in the face... with a knife."
"I don't like you either, but you don't see me seeking you out to kill you. Then again, I don't have to because you JUST KEEP COMING BACK!"
"Oh boo hoo, it's not like I don't have any problems too you know. The difference between you an me is that I let go of the past and you cling on to it like a fat kid clings to his ice cream."
"I don't suppose that 'King' that sent you told you anything about the atrocities he's committed?"
"Let me ask you, how many people did you kill on your quest to defeat me? Mightn't they have had families and lives that they needed to go home to?"
"You say that you hate me? In another life we could have been friends. We could have laughed together, cried together, fought together and ruled the world together. So don't say you hate me. Hate is a strong world."
*after witnessing a horrible event/execution*
Villain: *grin* Oh, sorry. My face slipped. I meant to frown. *frown*
Villain: How rude. I think I'll kill you for that.
Villain: If wishes were fishes, you'd still be a corpse. *bang*
H: "What you're doing is wrong. It's sick and twisted and evil."
V: "And who ever said that what you are doing is right?"
Villain (to hero/torture victim): What? Does that hurt? Would you like me to kiss it, and make it better?
--Extra creep factor if the villain *actually* kisses the wound, or if it's internal, kisses the hero on the lips. *shudders*
“Can you be quiet? And if you can’t, can I cut your tongue off?”
"I can be found in the dreams that you wish to forget."
"Revenge is a dish best served cold. Murder on the other hand, goes well with takeout and a warm bottle of beer."
A good line for a standoff between a villian and the hero when there are innocents screaming in the background is:
"Ah, the music of mayhem. Do you want to dance?"
"I prefer to think of myself as an Impressionist artist. I take my bat to their head and leave an impression!"
"Evil? No, not really. I'm a realist. Come to think of it, that is so much scarier. What does it say about the world we live in?"
"Oh, sarcasm! That's funny!"
"It's a pity I don't have a moustache to twirl. I left it in my other jacket."
I know you’ve been told, “Don’t go into the light…” But please, go directly into the light. No. Seriously. Walk directly into it… no, don’t look at me, just run straight at the bright light and… no! Stop! Go back! You were almost there! Ugh. I hate immortals.
"I can be found in the dreams that you wish to forget."
"Revenge is a dish best served cold. Murder on the other hand, goes well with takeout and a warm bottle of beer."
A good line for a standoff between a villian and the hero when there are innocents screaming in the background is:
"Ah, the music of mayhem. Do you want to dance?"
"I prefer to think of myself as an Impressionist artist. I take my bat to their head and leave an impression!"
"Evil? No, not really. I'm a realist. Come to think of it, that is so much scarier. What does it say about the world we live in?"
"Oh, sarcasm! That's funny!"
"It's a pity I don't have a moustache to twirl. I left it in my other jacket."
I know you’ve been told, “Don’t go into the light…” But please, go directly into the light. No. Seriously. Walk directly into it… no, don’t look at me, just run straight at the bright light and… no! Stop! Go back! You were almost there! Ugh. I hate immortals.
Here a once-human monster/vampire/whatever shoots down some poor hero's attempt to talk him/her/it into feeling remorse for his/her/it's actions:
Villain: "What you aren't understanding is that I have hardly changed at all. All the spite, the greed, the cruelty, the love of carnage and torture and destruction...I already had all that. We all have it. I didn't lose my humanity, I lost my inhibitions. I didn't forget that I was human, I remembered that I was an animal."
(hero): "Why are you doing this?"
(Villain): "Why does anyone do anything? Because it's fun!"
Hero: (evil alliance proposed, about to be tortured, etc) "Fuck you."
Villain: *Twisted smile* "Oh, you will eventually, but let's talk business for now."
If you would just stop fighting and let me kill you then you wouldn't ever have to think about how sad you are that (Insert name(s) here) is/are dead.
I can't kill you! You're to much fun!
"I'll kill you right in the face!"
"Here's a toast to the great fallen hero, who out-fought my mighty army, sneaked his way into my secure fortress, and then challenged me to my face in my own throne room without wearing a bulletproof vest...you idiot."
"Look, I'm pretty sure I can't be more clear about how this works. You ramble on about justice for a while and then I stab you to death. You're not allowed to ask for time-outs!"
"Honey, I'm home!"
Villain: "What you aren't understanding is that I have hardly changed at all. All the spite, the greed, the cruelty, the love of carnage and torture and destruction...I already had all that. We all have it. I didn't lose my humanity, I lost my inhibitions. I didn't forget that I was human, I remembered that I was an animal."
(hero): "Why are you doing this?"
(Villain): "Why does anyone do anything? Because it's fun!"
Hero: (evil alliance proposed, about to be tortured, etc) "Fuck you."
Villain: *Twisted smile* "Oh, you will eventually, but let's talk business for now."
If you would just stop fighting and let me kill you then you wouldn't ever have to think about how sad you are that (Insert name(s) here) is/are dead.
I can't kill you! You're to much fun!
"I'll kill you right in the face!"
"Here's a toast to the great fallen hero, who out-fought my mighty army, sneaked his way into my secure fortress, and then challenged me to my face in my own throne room without wearing a bulletproof vest...you idiot."
"Look, I'm pretty sure I can't be more clear about how this works. You ramble on about justice for a while and then I stab you to death. You're not allowed to ask for time-outs!"
"Honey, I'm home!"
0 comments:
Post a Comment